Night Terrors

Obviously when I'm asleep I'm not aware of what happens when I'm sleeping. My spouse has noticed that a lot of the times when I have vivid nightmares it's related to PTSD situations and the horrible situations in my past. I'm usually screaming or yelling or kicking or punching or something is what he said and he says that I'm yelling out like, go away, stop it, leave me alone, you're hurting me, all this stuff. I have no idea that I've been doing this. I don't even know how long I've been doing this or when it started. I have no idea. He only started telling me the last couple years but we've been together eight years now and he never told me at the beginning but apparently I have terrible, terrible nightmares related to like complicated things.

So when I was little, I had night terrors very often. When I was pretty young, probably like eight or nine was most of the times I could remember, but I actually can remember my very first one. It's one of my oldest memories. When I was three, I basically just got up in my bed and just started screaming. Like I was half awake, I can remember it. But it was like basically something kind of in real life. I thought something bad was happening to realistic situations like this could be babysitted. I woke up thinking he was dying or something. I don't know. It was really difficult because it was really disorienting. There were a lot of nights where I'd just get up and I'd be screaming, I'd be freaking out.

One thing that would give me nightmares was when we would play tag as a group of friends for a whole month. Every September we'd play, you know, a month long game of tag based off the movie and it would straight up give me nightmares sometimes because I would like dream that someone's coming into my house to try to like tag me and that was no fun at all.