I think a red flag in a relationship is when all of the people who are closest to you in your life are expressing really valid concerns. You know, it may be normal for one or two people to not maybe get along with someone, but if all of the people that you love and are close in your life are trying to express to you some really serious concerns, then that's when you really need to listen to them and consider what kind of relationship you're in.
I would say if you've been, you know, dating for a while and they're just not willing to commit, I would just say move on because if they're not willing to commit after a while, there's just probably a reason. They're not ready or there's just something that's holding them back. Other red flags, just watch for controlling people or people who have tempers. Try and ask questions that people can be honest to. If a person, if you ever catch someone lies, it's probably a habit, so just stay away from people who lie to you because that can really break your heart down the road if you find out that your husband's been lying to you about some things.
Before you go into any relationship, you should really know what your values are, what you want in that relationship. Now, I don't think you should be looking for any perfection sort of thing. You won't find it. You'll never be married. It'll be sad. But if you look for certain values, so for example, like I want a wife who wants to have a family, wants to have children, who values like not wasting money, things like that, you know, or being strong in her faith. Have a set of values, whatever that is for you. And then go out and date and look for those values. And if there's something that, like if you're dating someone, if you're pretty serious with them and there's a red flag like, oh, this, she does not have this important value. Don't date her. You will not be happy with that person.
I think the red flags are people that don't respect you, but also don't want to give the time for you. Another red flag is someone that's not willing to sacrifice for you either. When you're dating someone, you start to learn what you have to do for another person, and if they're not willing to do things with you that you want to do, in marriage it's probably going to be the same way. You gotta find balance, and people that are not willing to have that balance with you means that, you know, not gonna be compatible with each other. So just find someone that's gonna do that.
It's a major red flag in a relationship if you're constantly fighting.
My ex, he wouldn't let me look at his phone. Not that I was like trying to grab for his phone or like look through his phone and see if he's cheating on me, which he was, so maybe I should have done that, but he had to look at my phone. I couldn't look at his, but he had to look at mine. I would just like peek over randomly because like my eyes would wander. He'd have his phone now, but every time he saw me looking like at his phone, he would like turn it away really fast, but I wasn't allowed to do that, and I think to prepare for marriage, I'm married, and that's this is something that I've been learning like learned with dating and marriage is that you eventually you're just not going to have that much privacy anymore in almost every aspect of your life, and I think you need to be very open with like letting your spouse or whatever on your phone like be super comfortable with it and just yeah, I feel like that that's a sign of a healthy relationship.
So a couple red flags I usually try and keep an eye out for are whether or not someone is appreciative of the fact that you're taking them out. I've had people who I've taken on dates who were not appreciative at all. They just spent their whole time complaining or whining and that's no fun and you should not have to deal with that. So if anyone ever is not appreciative of the fact that you took the time to ask them on a date, I would not recommend letting that date continue or asking them on a second date. Another thing is whenever someone is always playing the victim, if you are with someone who's always playing the victim, you need to get out of there. I'm sorry because they will always blame you. They will never be at fault and they will just make you feel terrible all the time. So avoid victims and avoid people who don't appreciate your time and your effort.
A major red flag is when, in my case, when a girl is not really like respectful to people and she's ungrateful. When they take stuff for granted, and they don't want to learn, they don't have a passion, they don't have a desire. And they don't like you for you, they like you for someone that like, they wish you were. They're trying to change you into something that they want you to be. And you're just like, bro, like, love me for me, come on now. That's probably one of the biggest, in my opinion. Yeah, honestly, just any girl who's fake, I mean, just come on, just be real. Let's go, come on now.
Okay, so this has been something I have been reading a lot about recently. It's just this idea that what you're getting on like those first few dates should probably be like the best of that person. You should be giving your best and you're trying to connect and be thoughtful and connect, you know, those first like five dates is the best of that person and if their best is not acceptable already, by the time you marry them, it will go down to about two-thirds is what most research shows. And so I would say a red flag is if their 100% isn't even acceptable, then that is going to be a rough marriage if then you'll be receiving two-thirds of that effort afterwards. So keep that in mind.
People who are gaslighting and manipulating you, and sometimes it's hard to recognize that. I know when I was dating somebody who was doing that to me, I didn't realize what he was doing. I would go to see him and I would go with an idea in my mind like, okay, we need to break up. We need to stop seeing each other because I don't feel good around him. I don't, and it's not right, but then while we were talking, I always said it always ended up making it that I was in the wrong and I was messing up, and that if there was issues, it was because of me, and I believed it. And so if you're finding that, if you're finding that whenever you try to resolve conflict or whatever, and they end up turning it on the head and making it an issue, like it's all your fault, that's manipulation. And if they're trying to change the way that you think of something and saying, oh no, that's all in your head, you're crazy, that's gaslighting.
I'm all about romance and a gentleman, and I don't think if a man gets your door every time you get in the car or leave in a place, drop him. Not worth it.
A red flag in a relationship would be like hating themselves, because if you don't love yourself, then how can you love someone else?
Hanging out with a red flag for dating and that is punishment. Life is hard enough as it is. We're all flawed human beings. You're going to make mistakes and those are going to come with natural consequences and chances are you're probably already hard enough on yourself that you don't need to be in a relationship with someone else who piles on more hurt, who piles on more negative emotion and negative reaction to you being a human being. So if in the course of you living your life and being in a relationship or dating this person, you make some mistakes and they put you down and make it harder on you, that's a really great sign to walk away. You want to find someone who's going to comfort you, who's going to support you, who's going to be there with you, who's going to say like, it's all right, you know, let's do it again. Because like I said, life is hard enough. Now, if you intentionally cause harm and it hurts them and they push your buttons back, well, forgiveness is going to be needed and that starts with you.
Honestly, I would say some red flags in a relationship is if you or your partner feels the constant need to, like, always be with your partner. To, like, always be together is not really healthy and so if you see that, honestly, I would say that's a red flag because that means there's just not really, like, trust or anything in the relationship.
When you're on a date or talking and like you're the only one asking them questions, like they never ask questions about you. And also someone that's really really cocky and loves themselves and thinks that they're the best at everything. I think that's super annoying. Yeah just someone that is just self-absorbed is the worst. So just find someone that's kind and thoughtful and considerate.
I would say some red flags would be if your date is controlling at all. If they're trying to tell you what to do, I would steer clear of that relationship. Another red flag, in my opinion, would be if they get angry. You know, if they get angry before you get married, when you're dating, it means they're probably going to get a whole lot more angry after they get married. So they're going to be on their best behavior before while you're dating. And if you start seeing some cracks in their character and their behavior, just know that it's going to get a whole lot worse than it is in dating after you get married. Another red flag would be any kind of dishonesty or if they just, you look at them and as you're talking with them, you just feel like something's not right. In general, you probably want to avoid someone who's known for being sarcastic or critical because I think that's going to make your relationship a lot harder if they are sarcastic or critical or disagreeable.
There's a lot of red flags in dating. I say that humbly. I'm sure I qualify for plenty of them as well, but one that I've honestly noticed might seem not important like there's bigger things to look out for, but honestly if she picks her nose, especially on one of the first couple dates, then I mean it just kind of gives you a sign of where the relationship is going. You know what they say, you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose.
If you just like avoid for minutes like 30 minutes an hour the social media in order not to talk with this person is a clearly red flag. If she is online and she don't talk to you and answer your message is a red flag. Another thing is like if you don't feel the support if the things are changing every day and you don't feel happy to talk with her or with him is a clearly red flag. If you go to a place and don't send pictures or videos to this person is a red flag.
If you cannot talk to each other comfortably and share how you're feeling, you can't communicate any issues that you're having, and you just don't have fun talking to each other, then I think that's a sign that it might not be right.
Another red flag I think personally is just someone who doesn't share the same values as you. Like for example, if they don't believe in mental health, I believe that is a really big red flag because it just means they don't have the emotional capacity to connect with you.
There was this one time, I was on a date with this girl, you know, she's nice, pretty, funny, and we got along. But, she, just like, was always picking her nose. We were eating dinner, and I noticed how the day was. You know, she had her finger, like, up there. Digging for gold. Like, she didn't even wash her hands before she, like, started eating. And, for me, that was just too much.
One of my red flags in a relationship would probably be if you skip your regularly scheduled date night as a couple to stay home and play video games or stay home from work to play video games because you're not feeling it. That's a huge major red flag. It just shows that other things that are more important than your relationship to them and to me that's not okay in a relationship.
I think a big red flag that is going to be different for everyone is just differences in priorities because you could be dating someone super awesome who has nothing wrong with them, but if you two view important issues different ways, even if it's something just as small as like how you spend your time or or something like that, then that can be a big conflict in the future. So I'd say that if even if they seem awesome, make sure that you are compatible in your opinions and views on a lot of things that would matter a lot to you. Of course, it's totally understandable that you're going to have differences in opinions, but for the most important things, make sure that you agree.
One major red flag for me that I didn't realize when I was dating my ex was that he didn't like my family. But here's the thing, he never met my family. I met him in college, I was away from home, and he would hear me have conversations with my sister and my mom. And at the time, I was a freshman, I was straight out of high school, and I had that like, I'm on my own, like I can do whatever I want. So like, I get in little like fight like quarrels with my family, and he would overhear them. And he never even heard the worst of it. And they weren't even that bad. But like, I remember him telling me, he's like, I'm gonna like pretend that like, I like your family, but I don't like them. And I'm like, you've never even met them. Anyways, that was a random red flag that I never thought would exist. But please make sure that whoever you're dating or whatever, likes your family. It's a big red flag.
Mega red flag is when they start talking about their exes, like they have a vendetta against them. Let me tell you, like, if the person you're dating is talking about every single one of their exes, like they have a vendetta against their exes, let me tell you, that's because the problem is them. And it's not the exes, the exes could have been great people, but he, this guy I dated, he hated every, every single one of his exes. And when we broke up, he has this like vendetta against me, he will never speak to me. And we were great friends, like, I want to be friends with him, but he's like, no, like, we can't because you broke my heart, whatever. And I did not break his heart. We, things ended very cordially. He just has like issues, um, being friends with people he used to date. So if he talks about his ex-girlfriends, like in a unkind way, just, just don't even, don't even try.
If someone cannot communicate their needs to their partner, seriously, if you're having a problem, you need to be able to bring it up in a loving and not petty or like resentful way. You need to be able to show love and to express your needs and be able to work through problems instead of acting like they never happened or just letting it boil over and exploding.
If the person you're dating doesn't feel comfortable with you having friends of the opposite sex or even like talking to someone of the opposite sex, that's a problem because they're obsessive and you need to get out of that relationship or if not get out of it then definitely change things.