It's a cycle. I do really really well and then I get back to like a normal phase and then I go down into the depression and then I'm able to come back up but it looks a lot like the ups and downs, ups and downs. I never stay down for long. It never really feels like I stay up for long either which can be really discouraging.
When I was 11, there was a boy I knew, I didn't know him very well, but he had committed suicide. And we went to his funeral, and my father and I were driving home. And my parents didn't really know that I had struggled with depression, that I was really not sure about my place, that I felt like taking my own life. And while we were in the car, my dad was talking about what had happened. And no one had really known why this boy had taken his life. And my father told me, he said, that there is never a point in your life where it will be so bad to take your life. It will always be okay. There's going to be a reason for you to stay. Things will always get better. And that's what I want to share with you.
I've had depression for quite a while, and I know that as a child, as a teenager, I lived all over. My parents were both in the military, or my mom was. And it got so bad a couple times that I wanted to kill myself, and I tried to. And I didn't get through with it, because I knew that that's not what the Lord wanted. But I know that I felt that if I would be gone, that everything would be better. But I know that was not the right move for me to do. And so, I'm still here. I've had a couple things that I've come close to being hurt or whatever. But I know the Lord was protecting me, and I know that help is out there for you. You need to go and get it, but the Lord will help you in all you can do.